A Paradox

It’s amazing to me that every time I carefully set down to write something, anything really, I totally lose all interest in it. I have nothing left to say. I used to say everything and anything. Times have changed. I wrote nearly a quarter of a million words in just a few years by writing my thoughts on life each evening.

Now, I can’t even manage a few words a day about anything at all.

I don’t like the world around me any more. My life personally is going just fine, I’m OK. The world however, is just atrocious, I can’t stand just about anything on the news, conversation has all but left me.

Communication is dead.

Communication is key.

Sometimes just typing out as I think leads me to places I never thought to go. I buy books for writing, my chosen medium is pixels. I live to write with pens I’m scared to lose. The systematic way never worked for me, planning, charting, editing, testing, I’d always rather just let it out there, there’s not much to just put out there though anymore.

I catch my internal narration taking me places I once went, I usually stop before I get there.

I can’t help but wonder if life has gotten that much more complicated or I’ve just let my guard down, become discouraged and let myself become too wrapped up in things that I just didn’t notice before. I lean towards the latter.

I’m consumed by media I despise. That ends now, useless drivel is getting thrown out. I’ve got to get back in the groove, even if the groove has changed so much I’m not sure I recognize it anymore.

Music used to be the road that could take me anywhere. It used to make the worst day seem OK and the best day become memories that will live in my mind forever. This spoken word has devolved into noise to occupy my mind instead of focusing on the silence around me.

I feel my mind going from a fit and keen to wasting and indifferent to nearly everything. I’m consumed by thoughts of non-importance.
I think I just might not have anything to say…

One Million

As of this post I have written over 230,000 words. Nearly a quarter of a million. This blog has been going for nearly 9 years. So I’ve only averaged about 31,000 words per year or about 85 words per day.

That’s honestly pathetic in my eyes.

I want to be over a million words published to the world. Once, as some of you might remember I wrote a post every day for 150 days. There were times when it was tough, times when I just posted a link or quick note but I did it.

It’s time. I want to publish 1,000,000 words here by 12/31/2010. Stay tuned…

A little cleaning

trashcan_full.pngI couldn’t sleep last night, at all. I fixed up the blog a bit, got rid of some old plugins, updated the theme (v 1.2) and changed the way some plugins work.

You might notice on the right side there is a posts, words, and comments tally. These have changed slightly in the last few hours, now only posts (not pages) are counted in the posts and words tally. Comments haven’t changed, only you can change that number my friend.

over 748 pagesI’m not over 200,000 words as I thought I was, yet. Currently though, the total stands at around 187,000 if you were to print this at the publishing industry standard 250 words per page (Google Answers link). I would have written a book of over 748 pages, at 200,000 we cross over 800 pages. In comparison The Lord of the Rings (depending on which version you look at) is about 1100 pages or 275,000. I’m no Tolkien, not even close. But to know what it really takes to write a tome that long is certainly eye opening.

I guess in retrospect nothing really has changed for you, the reader, but only for me, the lonely keeper of this site. Keep reading, commenting and writing on your own sites.