In a fog

I’ve been trying to write this post for a long time now, since November actually. It seems that when I go out and do just about anything I’m totally in a fog to what’s going on around me. When I’m out with the guys, Erin, or just by myself. I’m totally just in my own world. Sure I particpate and interact with the world around me but at times I feel like everything is just passing me by for some reason. For example, Wednesday night I had some time to kill and I needed to eat dinner so I headed to my favorite grease pit for some chicken and noodles and some time with a good book.
I arrived, ordered some food and almost instantly the piping hot noodles and potatoes were there, I love that place for that very reason. Good cheap food, fast. After I finished my meal I started to read and enjoy a cup of coffee, black coffee, nothing foo foo about it. As I was reading I found myself totally engrossed in the story and the characters of the book. I looked at my watch after a while, still had an hour to kill, back to the book. The next thing I knew it was 10 minutes past time to leave and I had not realized that anything had happened around me. As I looked up from the book I noticed that the scene of the restaurant had changed entirely, when I had arrived the place was full of old people enjoying a quiet meal, maybe 8 other people there total. After reading though, there were at least 40 people there, the place was packed with more old people, a few families and even some single people just looking for a hot meal on a cold night. When did the scene suddenly change, where was I?
I get this feeling nearly everyday it seems. I just space out from the rest of the world most of the time and spend my days in a fog of my own thoughts. I think of the great mysteries of life, you know, the obvious ones like Who are we? Where are we going? What is Spam really made of? I just think about everything all the time. I feel like sometimes I’m missing the most important things…Those that are right in front of me.

Professional Driver…

…on a closed course. I wanna be that guy. I want my entire job to consist of driving around in a brand new, maybe not even released, car and take it through water covered roads or through the outback. I want to be that guy who is crusing along at break-neck speeds weaving in and out of cones and then slamming on the breaks to miss the family of ducks walking across the road. Just thinking again…

Too much to be healthy?

I was thinking again today, dangerous I know, but hey I had time to kill. I was thinking about being healthy, most of you that know me personally know that I’m not in the best shape. I’m overweight, not grotesquely, just overweight. i coudl stand to lose about 30 pounds I would guess, maybe less. So I started thinking about what I would do to lose the weight, diets, gym time, whatever. Do you realize how much it costs to go to a gym, at least $35 around here a month. That’s quite a bit really if you don’t go religiously. In this country we are all overweight, yeah yeah if you haven’t seen Supersize Me, go see it, you’ll want to vomit afterwards. Betwen the doctor’s bills that you have to pay, and the costs of staying healthy its really a wonder that we’re all still alive. I pay health insurance that I don’t use, I used to pay for a gym membership that I rarely used, its just crazy when I think about all the money I pay to stay somewhat healthy.
I wonder how many poor people are either poor because they’re trying to stay healthy or they are unhealthy because they are poor. Just thinking again really…

I’ll never call or write

I was sitting in class one day and just kinda wondered off into my own world and realized something very serious about myself. I’ll never call or write. We cna be the best of friends, hang out everyday, but really, once the circumstances end that let us hang out and stuff, I’ll never call or write.
I realized that there have been several people in my life that have been really good friends of mine at some point that I no longer have any contact with. I have old high school friends that actually were quite close that are no longer any concern of mine really. Occasionally I’ll get an email, reply to it saying that we should hang out or that I’ll call, none of it ever happens. I wonder if just the exchange of niceties is enough really to constitute making contact and keeping in contact?

  • There was a girl in several college classes of mine over the last few years. We did several group projects together and actually hung out between classes once or twice. Not a close friend, but someone I guess. Tragically, she lost her brother in a car accident a week before school was to begin last year. I haven’t spoken to her since, she left message with a mutual friend that she would be back to school soon. I’m here, where is she?
  • I have a ton of high school friends that live in my neighborhood and actually just in my area in general. I speak to nearly none of them. One or two still are around, but none of the ones that I expected to be.

I don’t know why I don’t ever call or write really. I mean to keep in touch with everyone. I just get busy and it’s hard to find time to squeeze everyone in all the time.
But, it you’re out there and we haven’t spoken in a while, leave a comment, I’ll be sure to email you some niceties at least once.

What would you say?

I’ve been thinking about a lot of things lately, I just can’t seem to nail down what I think of them right now. Maybe it’s just wishful thinking on my part, but I think there’s something there, how do I go about finding out though. I just want this all to be over and done with. We’ll see how it comes out though I guess.
This weekend has been pretty good really, outwardly that is. Friday we went to the Audio A/Reliant K/NewSong concert. I got a CD by a guy named Todd Agnew, he rocks. Definitely going to be listening to him for a while. I wouldn’t say I was as moved by this concert as I was by other concerts but still I enjoyed myself. A new friend has come into the spotlight, although nothing more will come of it, I am still intrigued to get to know this new person better. Saturday I wasted the entire day, I didn’t do crap in other words. I finally went out with the gang last night around7ish to Pastariffic and then to see Miracle, it was good, not great but good. I’ll probably buy it when it comes out though. Very Apollo 13-ish. This week is going to be a long one; I have tons of stuff coming up at school and stuff at work too. I have 2 test and 2 papers due on Tuesday that I have to study for and finish today hopefully. Its just one of those weekends again where I don’t’ feel like studying but I know I have to or I’m going to be screwed next week. The next few weekends I’m going to be gone, so I need to stay caught up with stuff and get everything done during the week, between IU on the 14th and Purdue on the 21st I’m going to be busy as crap. It’s getting late for everything to be starting, I should go outside and get my books out of the car and get something done, maybe I’ll go out tonight or something… later