It’s starting again. I’ve been up most of the night every night this week. Not because I’m not tired or because I’m studying, but because I just can’t sleep.
I wish I could understand what’s wrong with me and how I can get past it. I have sleeping pills, I’m scared to death to take them, I don’t want to get addicted and I don’t want to spend an entire day sleeping. I just want to rest. I feel stressed a lot lately, not about anything in particular, just stressed about being busy and staying busy. I feel like sleep is a waste of time, 8 hours of nothing, there are so many things to watch on TV, or read or learn or or or or… You get the idea, I’m an information junkie and I like to stay busy.
Idle hands are not something I can tolerate, that just stresses me more. I’m not happy unless I’m reading something while typing something else, while on the phone with the TV on, all while driving somewhere to meet people to hang out. I don’t understand how to relax for long periods of time and hate when people do it and it ruins things I wanted to do.
I need to find a way to sleep. I know that what I’m doing to my body isn’t the best for it, I don’t know how to stop though. I just want 8 hours and to be left alone in the dark, when I don’t have anything better to do.
It’s early…. waaaay too early to be awake. I can’t sleep. I’ve been up most of the night, again. What is wrong with me? Why can’t I just sleep? This has got to change soon or I will go mad.
Too late to actually be up. I just can’t sleep for some reason. I think there might be something wrong, this is happening more and more. The good thing is that for some reason when I’m really tired, I can type better than when I’m wide awake. I did manage to get my new router setup tonight after not being able to sleep, perhaps I should reverse my schedule and start sleeping during the day and working at night… Doubt that would actually work though. School is really hard to attend at night.
Went over to Chris’ tonight, his grampa died Monday so I wanted to go see hwo he was doing. I actually met him at Mac practice first, as it ended he went out for a “staff meeting” and I decided to go over to see Terra for a bit with Orion. We ate Taco Bell and just chilled basically. The “staff meeting” turned into a trip to the Hugger, which I was invited to, but at 1130 I’m just not in the mood to drive to Kokomo to see ugly girls dance naked…
But I did get the wireless fixed, woo hoo… Now I can be incredibly lazy like I am right now and lay in bed and surf the ‘net and blog. Anyways, it’s going to be another long day tomorrow too… Can’t wait for vacation time… I need some days of nothing to get me going again..
It’s late. Too late. Too late for me to be up and on the computer. I don’t know why but I just can’t sleep tonight. Is it the fact that tomorrow I will not only start my semi-senior year of college? Or is it because I am going to give my 2 weeks notice at work? I have all these thoughts running through my head right now about what tomorrow and the coming weeks will be like. It’s scary sure, but I don’t think that’s it, I think I’m just ready to get it started and back into a routine again. I’m going to be so busy, I don’t know how I’m going to cope with it all, work, school, Erin, friends… I’m going to be stressed that’s for sure but I’ll manage some how.
Tonight was interesting to say the least. The plans that I was going to make never presented themselves so I went and made plans of my own. Knee-boarding behind a four-wheeler on freshly cut grass is awesome… until you fall off. That huts a bit. Next time we’ll wait for snow before trying such an idiotic task.
I’m sitting here in front of the computer, the only sounds I hear are the whirring of the computer fan and I only see the light cast from the monitor on my quickly wandering hands over the keyboard. The end of one thing and the beginning of some many new. things are going to be different this year that’s for sure; everything that happened last year drew lines that I don’ think will ever be broken and the habits of the summer are likely to live on and on. I have to be up in 7 hours… why don’t I just go to bed… of course I would lay there and toss and turn, but at least that’s getting rest right… perhaps I’ll go watch some TV and just relax
It’s been a year now since I started writing here. Looking back it’s been pretty amazing at all the changes that have occurred in my life. I’ve gone through 3 jobs, a few girls, changed friends a few times and gone back to school. Among other things. I feel like I’ve let this thing slide off again. I’ve just been so busy, but not busy at all, all at the same time. between school, work and everything else I just don’t have much time to myself, and the time I do have, I sleep. I don’t mind it really, I need to stay busy or I freak basically.
Went to a friend’s wedding last weekend, good times really. Met some people that I hadn’t seen in a long time and I’m actually going to hang out with one of them this weekend, if you’re in Indy on Saturday call me, I’ll tell ya where the party is. It’s weird how things change over time, people that you barely knew then, now you feel like you’ve known them forever.
I heard from Matt eh other day, he’s doing well. Said it’s hot as crap over there and all that, but for the most part he’s doing OK.
It’s late and I haven’t been getting that much sleep lately for some reason so I guess I should go t bed, but I thought I should post something since I haven’t in a long time and since this thing is 1 year old now. Still looking for a new domain though…
This was supposed to be our week…
I saw you from four years ago just the other day. I see you everywhere, and yet you’re still gone.
The last few days have been mostly uneventful. Monday I went to work, it was rather busy for a holiday but a lot of people were open still. Last night I went out for coffee with Kyle, taught him how to play Rummy. It was good just to chill someplace quiet. I think I’m going to have to go to the doctor soon. My back, ankle, and write have all been sore. Its bone sore though. Like all it need sis a good pop or something> I’ll call Stout tomorrow and see if I can get in Friday maybe.
Today I got up later than I wanted to. Not that I didn’t’ have time to just relax this morning but I guess I was just more tired that I thought I was. It’s good for me to get a lot of sleep though. This semester is going to be rough. Classes are going well enough. So far I’m staying caught up. But it means I have to study almost everyday. I need to do my law brief but it’s only one page so it shouldn’t take long and I’m procrastinating. Of course I have tons of reading to do too. 137 pages by Thursday! Ugh
This weekend started off with some conflict but not I think its back under control now. The same issue always come up and I just don’t know how to approach them right all the time.
This is what I thought the other day. “I’m talking about the one thing I hate the most and I have a knot like a ball of twine in my stomach. All I can do is grin and bear it. Life affords me no such luxury. All I can do is sit here and act happy that I have what I have. Life is so cruel sometimes.”
Its over know though. Just something I feel from time to time I guess. It either shows I’m totally incapable of getting over it or that I’m totally incapable of giving up.
Back at home now. I spent most of my evening reading my law stuff for class where I totally got nailed by the prof with obscure questions that I wasn’t expecting. I was supposed to go bowling with Kyle tonight but that didn’t’ happen cause he got busy with something else. It’s cool we are going to see Radio tomorrow for free. Really look gin forward to that. Right now I’m working on my law brief. I’ve got my post to Oncourse done and I’ve already written one paper tonight. I’m on a roll, can’t stop now. Although my fingers are starting to hurt from all this typing
Today was a horrible dreary and bad day. I was just so tired all day, I feel like if it’s sunny out, I’m fine but when it’s rainy, I’m always tired and junk. I got my hair cut today and to quote a previous conversation: “a metro-man that cuts your hair, always does it right…except for the fiancÃ© and the kid he was gay.” It finally doesn’t look like a little boy haircut now. The guy is great. Definitely recommending him to everyone now. Today was pretty dull really overall. I can’t say that I did much at all today. Work was work and now that I’m home I realize that I have a ton of reading to go over and take notes on. All I really want to do is like sleep or just get out of here. I dunno I’ll figure it out I guess. I wish my W2s would come from everywhere soon. I have to get my return back so I can afford SB this year. Orlando… how expensive can it be. Anyways I’m talking to Emmy now and I should start studying soon. I’ll talk to you all later. btw… that certain someone needs to update their blog too 🙂 And yes, I still like my new phone!