Life or Something Close

Tuesday, December 30

Big Decisions...

I was given a huge decision to make today. I wish I could say more but honestly I think I should stay vague for a while still.... I was given the opportunity to totally change the course of my life today... I think for the better. But in return for this change I have to basically give up everythign I did/am doing to get where I am now. It woudl possibly make me happier in a more materialistic way but I don't know if it would make me happy in an everyday sort of way. I'm scared to screw up... This isn't like screwing up like wearing black socks with a brown belt or whatever.... it's like life screwed up. I feel like i'm giving up alot to get alot... where's the balance? Maybe I can just win the powerball or something ... $210 million would solve just about everything prolly... except that happiness thing...I'm going to bed.... we'll see what happens tomorrow I guess....

Monday, December 29

...I was like... Whatever!...

Last night I think I slept a total of 3 hours... not in a row though... Had a Carmel Macchiato and a DoubleShot from Starbucks... Not smart at 930 at night... Went out with the gang last night just to catch up on things, it appears that not one of us has a very exciting life at all... I've spent most of the last week with Emmy though. That's probably the biggest news, we're still friends. It weird I ran into someone last night, and of course they asked about her. It was cool to say that after everything we've been through that we're still friends and we're getting along just great. I mean yeah there is some tension over our "status" or whatever but just the same I think we're really getting close again. Right now, I think that's all I care about, yeah having her back s "mine" would be wonderful but I know she can't make that decision yet and I don?t' want her to until she is totally sure. Can't deal with the heartache again. I'm going to buy my books for next semester today... $500... I won't even use them most likely. I'm ready to go back to school I think... There?s not much else to do when all your friends work and stuff during the day. I have a good schedule next semester I think... 2 days a week, and then I can work the other days. Matt's leaving soon, I'm bummed. Anyway I found a new site this morning, kind of like Relevant but different I guess. It's called The Ooze If nothing else, it gives me something to blog about now and then I guess. It gets my mind going in the least. Either way it's on my favorites/daily sites to visit now. I dunno, I spent part of last night working on my laptop... It's almost back to normal now and actually appears to be working just fine. Maybe I won't be getting a new one. Unless I can find a way to break it or something. I'm mad right now cause my stupid site is down and no one is going to read this. But like I've said a hundred times before, I need this to stay sane. I wish these people would get on the stick and get this stupid site fixed. It's been down for like 5 days now. They have a 99.9% uptime guarantee. Where's my money? Anyways I should be getting to work now. I'll catch you all later.

Thursday, December 25

I'm a geek dood...

I just spent like the last 3 hours renaming most of my MP3 files so that they don't say "Various Artists - YMCA - Village People" Hate that, now they are all good. I'm not sure what I'm going to do tonight... Might go over to Matt's might just hang here like I've done all day. Tomorrow I'm going to Indy to exchange everything and hopefully buy a new video card... that should be an adventure... I need to get out of this chair, but everyone is in the living room and as usual at my house I'm not feeling very social... It's just one of those things I guess... Maybe I should redo my laptop since that came back yesterday... I dunno... I'm gonna go find something... later

Wednesday, December 24

Disappointed but I'll live

Had X-mas a day early... didn't get what I wanted. Ya know, how you kinda stack your Christmas list with "lesser" items so you hopefully get the bigger things. Well this year it back fired on me... I got all the lessers.... I'm not ungrateful necessarily; I liked what I got but lemme just run down through what's gone wrong lately. First got a new watch... great watch... too big and I think I've scratched the face already... I got some new clothes, like 5 shirts and 3 pairs of jeans.... yeah on pair of jeans fits and only 2 of the shirts fit. I got an "old man" sweatshirt... cream color with embroidery on it... ack! I also go the new Simpson's Hit and Run game... yeah... doesn't work with my video card so I have to take the money that I got from the uncles to go freakin buy a new video card...ahhhh! About the only thing that I got that works right and well is my new UPS for my computer... Of course all you have to do is plug it in, but still. I'm counting my blessings on that as it is... I got a ton of DVDs too... how could that go wrong?... give it time I guess. I've spent the last few days with Emmy, like I've said I'm encouraged but not totally optimistic yet. I'm happy with how things are going and still have faith that things will work themselves out. Its going to be a long day... on top of everything... my site is down so basically no one will see this for at least a week... I hate the world mostly...The worst way to miss someone is to be sittin right beside them knowing you cant have them

Monday, December 22

The phone never stops ringing...

Emmy called today after she got off work. We decided not to do anything.. No big deal, I was just going ot chill too... Literally as soon as I hung up, Matt calls and invites me out to Applebee's at 7... So I'll be there tonight for a bit at least...

I'm sorry I ripped off your ear!

Last night went well I think. Saw Mona Lisa Smile it was ok I guess, kind of flat overall but I liked it. A rent not a buy. Saw the lights in Marion of course. Even though I said before that maybe I'm not in the "Christmas mood" I think now maybe I'm getting there a bit more. The lights, the music, it's all slowly getting there... Too bad that it'll be here and gone before I totally get there. Oooohh... so close last night... :) Too bad we're both scared and you turned away. Short work week this week, not a lot to do cause most everything is on hold, just waiting for proofs. I get paid this week thank God; it's getting a little tight. Not to worry, I have comm. coming this week so maybe I can pay a little more than usual on something. Gotta love that flirtatious banter, kinda like this comic, we do that, it's what makes it all worthwhile. If you don?t' have a best friend that you can fool around with like this, then it's not worth having a friend at all. If that best friend turns into something else, well all the power to ya. I'm just waiting on my wish to come true. BTW... so far so good today, "strong like bull."

Sunday, December 21

24 hours later...

It's a beautiful day today... 40 something degrees today... it's 3 days until Christmas and it's 40 degrees... I hate Indiana... Stupid weather. Yesterday was a good day. The wedding was... well a wedding. I'm glad it happened for him, but selfishly it sucks because it's another piece of the gang getting married off. I spent five hours on a futon last night just talking. Probably the best five hours I've had in a long time. We talked about anything and everything basically. I'm going to beat it... I don't' have a choice. Today has been a good day. I haven't cracked yet. Maybe if I can get through 24 hours I can stay off it for good this time. I don't know. Hopefully. I'm encouraged by the conversations of last night but still not totally sold on the idea that anything will happen anytime soon. I hope that it does, but like I said, it hasn't happened yet. Still hopeful though and either way, like she said last night, this has been probably the best 4 months for us. We've became better people because of it and made ourselves get away from each other. I think I'm glad it happened as long as the end result comes out right... I've been trying to write this for about an hour now so I'm going to stop and maybe write more later or something..

Saturday, December 20


WTF... I can't believe they lost by that much... Did they even show up for the second half?

A few moments begin an eternity

I'm going to a friend's wedding today. He's about 6 months older than me and he's getting married to a girl that he's known for his entire life but only has dated for the last 5 months, part of which he spent about 1000 miles away from her. He says he's totally sure3 about what he's doing and has no reservations about anything for today. I'm happy for him; I mean it's not often that people actually get married because they "know." Sure people get married because it's convenient or they think that they are with the right person but nothing at leads me to believe that his intentions are anything less that totally sincere. I wish them the best and hope that they have many long years ahead of them. I spent most of the night last night with matt.... First I went out with the gang to go to Kokomo and just hang out or whatever, but everyone is sick and such. So I met Matt and some other people at like 10 to go back to Kokomo to BW's ... packed as usual. We hung out and just talked and stuff basically. Nothing important to report. It's Christmas this week, and like I've said to a few people this year, it's just not as magical as it has been in years past. I don't' know if it's cause I'm alone this year or because there's no snow or just because I'm getting older. People just seem to be going through the motions. Whether you are in the spirit or not I still hope that everyone gets their Christmas wish, I'm still waiting for mine...

Thursday, December 18

I like the pink!

I hate being sick. Right now one nostril is totally not working and the other is hit or miss. I've got a headache like you wouldn?t believe and I think I have a fever. This week has been kinda hectic but almost surreal at the same time. I have taken 3 of 4 finals now and so far I'm doing really well. Bus: B+, Eng: A, Accounting: A, Econ...? Please A? I was so excited last night when I found out that I got a 94% on my accounting test, I know this made certain people a bit mad, cause mine isn?t' as hard as theirs, but still I worked for it, actually studied for once and pulled off something that I didn't know I could do. I hung out with Matt and Josh on Tuesday night, good times, Matt was trashed. $20 at Applebee?s and all I got was some wings and a beer, Newcastle Brown Ale is awesome, especially when it's free! Josh is getting married on Saturday, wow. He says he's ready, I think I believe him, really has his heart set on Beth so I think it'll all work out for the best. It weird seeing your friends get married, starting their lives and such when you're just hanging out and letting life happen around you. I'm not ready for that, I may think I am, but I know that I'm really not. I like being a kid. It's fun, carefree, and I'm still in my "finding out who I am" stage I think. Last night we went out to celebrate Tricia's birthday, Outback. The steaks were good, but I really couldn't taste mine given that I have the Mongolian Gerbil Plague. Today I graduate from LK, a long year but I seriously think I learned a lot from it, well worth the $500 I spent. It's kind of bittersweet though, the girls at FH are awesome, and most don't deserve the hands they've been dealt in life. Just victims of circumstance I suppose. It's going to be nice though to have one less obligation every other week. Hopefully the group will stay in contact in some way. Email of course, maybe lunch now and then or something. I can't wait for this week to be over so I can get some sleep and just rest... maybe I'll stop being sick if I could sleep for like 14 hours or something. I dunno... it's time for work... Later

Monday, December 15

I'm getting sick!!!

I hate being sick... I'm takign crap for it now.. Vitamin C and Echenacea at least for now. I'm goin to take one final tomorrow... Hopefully I can stay well for the other 3 on wednesday and thursday. I haven't put nearly enough time or effort into studyign for these tests... maybe tomorrow...*pondering* I'm getting a new laptop.. at least I will once the shop determines that it's broken for sure. I cna't get sick now... too close to x-mas... I'm goign to bed... later

Sunday, December 14

People need to shut up

I hate when people think that they know what's going on and then go off and tell everyone a half truth. I mean why not go to the source? Ask the right questions and get an honest answer... Stupid people, hypocrites at that.
Tonight when well for the most part, Christmas program at church, how bad coudl it be? Got almost everything bought now too. :) Overly-religious people bother me, I have nothign against religion and as a matter of fact I think that everyone should have a religion of some kind. But peoepl who just get up and jump aroudn and all that, too much, it's all for show to me. I think there is a time and place to worship for everyone to yourself, soem people do it just to show off I think...

We got him!

MSNBC - U.S. forces capture Saddam in Iraq

Looks like good ole Saddam was captured today... He looks like a dirty Sanata Claus in all the picutres though. I think this is a cool moment is history but I don't think that this means that our troops are any safer over there or that they will eb home any sooner. My friend is still goin over there... it sucks.
I've got a ton of studying to do today... then church tonight with the family.

Saturday, December 13

New Look!?!!?

MSNBC - A new look for I'm ticked... this site now looks like another MS piece of crap with Dot Net and Passport on it. I'm all about changing design to accomodate more content and such. But the stories still look the same, it's just more MS adverts and different fonts... I hate change... a simple webp[age change can lead me to write a post... what do I do for really big changes... yeah, i go nuts that's right...Off to find a new news page... later

Minor Changes...

Minor changes to the layout today... Last night was cool.. ran into some old frineds from HS and then some firends from IUk showed up.. Played some cards.... watched a guy drink about 6 brews... i only had one thank you! went ot Crista's party before that... it was cool.. just hung out and got to see everyone a bit out of their element... much more relaxed basically... Tonight... i'm goin out... no idea what or where but i'm going. Hopefully more peoepl can come tonight too... There were liek 10 of us last night, but I only liked about 3... Anyways... check out the new front page for and my new stuff on the sidebar here... later

Thursday, December 11


Soundtrack of my life: Brian Wilson - Barenaked Ladies

I'm watching Eight Crazy Nights... not a great movie, but's ok... A good story... just kinda lame overall I guess. Today was busy as heck... got alot done though... Hopefully tomorrow will go well too, party for Christa, work, out with the guys maybe... I dunno... it's been a dull day but a busy one basically... I have to study all weekend for finals... woo hoo.... pssht i hate finals... But that means i'm one semster closer to graduating and maybe getting out of Kokomo. I dunno... That part of my life is too far away for me to worry about, live for the moment and all that.

Wednesday, December 10

It works... It's alive again!

So I spent today doing crap all morning basically to get my car working again. First of all let me tell you what happened. I was going home last night and noticed that the car was making a funny noise, almost like it had and exhaust problem... When I got to 31 I heard the belt let go. This is usually not a problem, I had to turn everything in my car off except the lights and deal without power steering but since 31 is straight I didn't' think much of it really. I decided that since Autozone was still open, I would swing by and pick one up and then put it on when I got home. By the time I got to autozone my car was overheating badly because the water pump was also controlled by that belt. I pulled in to Autozone, got a flashlight and then I saw it.... Parts everywhere, I freaked... Had the guy come look at it, the spring tensioner thingy was busted... All over the place. Not only could I not drive the car, but most likely it was going to take 2 days to get a new part in. So I left the car at Autozone overnight until I could get it towed in the morning or maybe at least hobble along to the nearest repair place. This morning I got up and started calling places to fix it... While I'm on the phone. The idea of just renting a car for a day or two comes to mind, sure lets do that, then I wont' be without a car and I can still go out and stuff if I need to. I found a place to fix it, $55, not as bad as I thought really. So I dropped the car off, while I was checking it in, it was going to sit for 2 days before the part came in, the lady called one place in town that I didn't even know existed.. They had the part in stock, and it was cheaper by $10. Woo hoo... She said that they still wouldn't get to it until sometime later today or early tomorrow. No biggie, I'm renting a car, she said fine and off I go to rent a car. Got a Ford Focus, not a bad car I must say, I want one actually. I rented the car Arden 10AM, at 11AM the place called and said that my car was fixed and that it was going to be $70 cause they had found some other problem, that they fixed. So now I had to take the rental back, paid $50 for driving a car 10 miles.... Then I went and got my car out of the shop... So basically... I'm out like $200 plus like 4 hours of work... It sucks, but I have my car back now :) Thank God... I hate being without a car. Now I have to go to English and turn in my final paper, thank God for that too... I'm almost done for the semester... Later

Tuesday, December 9

I give up on everything

Soundtrack of my life: Soak it Up - Warren Barfield

My car blew up this evening... smoke, flying metal, you name it... it's in Kokomo now in a parking lot til someplace opens tomorrow to fix it... I dont' care. I 'm tired of everything going wrong... Why cant' one thign thsi year go right for me... that's all I ask... one thing that happens that i actually come out ahead somehow... I give up... just screw everyone... *check please, i want out of here

Oh yeah...

Soundtrack of my life: Dream On - Aerosmith

Redesigned the front page too... The new Check it out... leave me some feedback... later

Monday, December 8

45 seconds for cheese paper?

Soundtrack of my life: Two Beds and a Coffee Machine - Savage Garden

Ok so i just got done eating a double cheeseburger from McDonald's... I bought it earlier and put it in the fridge... I reheated it in the mircowave for 30 seconds it wasn't hot yet so i gave it another 15 seconds.... now first of all, when you're hungry and tired 45 seconds is far too long to wait for food. I waited knowing that the warm tasty burger i was about to consume would make everything alright... well after 45 seconds i took the now warm cheeseburger to my room to enjoy... cheese paper! now normally i like a little cheese paper, kind of a bonus really. But this time, it was different, apparantly sometime during those last 15 seconds all of the cheese had evaporated from the burger/bun to the paper and into thin air, so in short, i just ate a double hamburger...
This is what happens to your mind when you've finished two papers in 3 hours... my midn is blank... my eyes hurt... i'm going to bed... see you tomorrow maybe

Sentences made of pictures....

This is what I do now... Pathetic maybe... but I just can't let go of the greatest thing I've ever known.

Sunday, December 7

My Blog is still down...

Soundtrack of my life: Coldplay - Clocks -

No one is reading this but since it's my self-prescribed therapy I'm still going to write. Today was entirely too much fun... I wrote 2 papers and watched the Colts game... ok so it's wasn't fun... but I still did it... I'm watchign Bruce Almighty now... a good movie I must say "It's gooooood"... I like it, I shall buy it.... whenever I'm not poor again... I'm going to go watch the movie... I'm depressed... maybe more later

Friday, December 5

Still not back online...

Soundtrack of my life: Don't Dream It's Over - Sixpence None The Richer

So the hosting company said it was their colo... They said they are getting it back up and then moving to a new service provider... either way I'm paying for a service that doesn't' work, as a matter of fact, most of you won't read this til it's too late and already fixed, but I need to rant a bit. It snowed 5 inches here today... the roads were horrible, I made it into work ok and stuff, but still it was cold and dreary all day as usual in Indiana during winter. Last night I was at school until about 1130 work on my business plan with my group.... 1130!!!! Holy dog crap, it was due at 345 that afternoon but after we went to the Dean about how horrible of a Prof She was and then basically yelled at her in her office she gave us an extension til Monday. Now I hate taking advantage of someone like that when the whole class doesn't get the same benefit so we stayed at the school til they basically kicked us out and got it all done. I turned it in today... woo hoo! Only 2 more papers and a few more accounting problems to go. I'll be so glad when this year is over... its just wearing on me for some reason. part of it is probably the fact that I was out of school for an entire year and I have horrible study skills, but either way I'm ready for a vacation where I can just kick back and sleep most of the day or something I'm going out with the guys tonight... movies or some such and then to matt's tomorrow help decorate their house for x-mas he wants me to stay the night and rink with him but I don't' know if I will or not, it's just not my thing really... a beer now and then is cool, but drinking to get drunk just doesn't excite me anymore. I only did it a few times any way but mostly it's a waste of money and time. I think I'm just going to go over have a beer and then go home or something. We'll see. I need to get some stuff done this weekend most of all though, papers are due on Tuesday and Wednesday next week. I should go get ready for tonight... that consists of me putting on my shoes and getting a glass of water er something, but still I'm done typing for now... plus by the time I spell check this it'll be an hour later than it is now... see you all later

Wednesday, December 3

The Internet hates me...

If you're reading this it means that my site is working again, for the past few days my site has been up and down. Then on top of all that my DSL at work went down today so I haven't' been online hardly at then, on top of that until today I haven't' been able to have 'net access at school. I think someone there thought I was looking at porn or something. I hate people... Tonight is my meeting for my English paper which is only half way done anyways, but I really don't' care. Then after that I'm going to meet Matt for his birthday dinner and then off to class again... Stupid accounting... After that I'm torn between going out with Matt to celebrate his adultivity or going home and sleeping since I'm so freakin tired... I'm sick I think... Tomorrow is the last day of LK... woo hoo... And sad at the same time... Oh well off to class or something...

Tuesday, December 2

Pulled over for the 10th time!

Soundtrack of my life: The Time of My Life - Mark Schultz

Last night on 500... There a 4 way at Wallick that is always a dead interaction... especially at midnight... well I slowed down to maybe 10 or 15MPH... Next thing I know as I take off, I see a set off headlights come on... then as I'm accelerating even slower I see the reds and blues come on... So I pulled over to the side of the road... basically in a corn field... the cop got out asked for license and registration as usual... gave it to him he goes to step away and then he comes back and asks me to step back to his car with him... I get in the car... he says "do you know why I stopped you?" *thinking of a funny line from Liar Liar* "depends on how long you've been following me" but instead I said not rally... eh said that I didn't' fully stop at the stop sign, which I knew of course but I wasn't' going to fess up to it just like that. I agreed and he said since I tried he was only going to give me a warning. Didn't' call in my plates or license at all... just wrote out a warning and let me go... now I know I'm not the most criminal looking person around but still I could have been wanted somewhere for something... either way I finally got home... now I'm sitting here looking at my still unfinished paper, I hate English right now...

A crazy week...

Soundtrack of my life: Kenny Chesney - There Goes My Life

Let's see where to start... well the weekend was a wash basically... Nothing exciting... I bowled, slept, ate, slept, hung out, slept.... Monday was a better day I guess... more exciting at least. Went to work, it was Tony's b-day so he was off... No one was around though, so most of my called when straight to BM. Then I went to class and tried to work on my English paper... that went horribly because I just wasn't in the mood to do anything at the time, so then we went to eat and then I went to accounting. Found out what's on the final and I'm ready to cry... it's everything that I didn't' think was important enough to remember, and of course everything that I do remember isn't' going to be on the test. Oh well that's how life usually works right now. Last night I also spend a little time at the hospital with my great grandma... she's septic and got pneumonia... yuck... it's probably not going to be long now for her actually.. And that sucks... I hardly know here but still it sucks. I know it'll tear my grandpa apart. then I went over to matt's house for a bit to help him with some stuff... all in all I got home around 1230 and then still had about an hour of studying to do.. of course this morning when the alarm went off I was totally not into getting up at all so I just called Tony and then went back to bed... took the day off... got up though cause I still had that stupid English paper to finish... got a little more done but not much.. Then I went to class... our financial plans were due today so we took like an hour to finish them up then when we went to class she didn't' want them printed out... stupid teacher... so we went back to the lab and emailed them to her... the good thing is though our entire business plan is done now... sans one résumé which I should get anytime now... I think we'll be fine... it's only about 40 pages or so... now I just got home and I'm going to eat some dinner and then go back to school for econ.. then I'll come back home and kill myself until I get this English paper done cause it's due tomorrow afternoon... what fun what fun... talk to you later...