Life or Something Close

Saturday, November 29

I hate writing papers...

Soundtrack of my life: Girl all the Bad Guys Want - Bowling for Soup

It's Saturday afternoon... well evening now and I'm sitting here trying to write tow papers that are both due next week. It's almost finals now so that means that every prof has given out their last big assignments, and secretly made them all due on the same day so as to totally stress and confuse all college students. I've been busy the last few days with stuff... I'll say just stuff because I don't' really know what I've been dealing with lately. I've gone on and eating binge and then fasted... Not sure why but I'm either starving all day or not hungry at all. Life has been rough, family, friends, and such. My horoscope said today that I should learn to deal with change and that I should let go of some of my convictions, I wish I knew which. Do you ever pray? Do you ever get answers? Sometimes I don't' understand them, the answers I mean. Sometimes I wonder if the answers I'm getting are even answers to the questions I've been asking. Interpretation has never been a strong point for me. I think I ruined a friendship yesterday too, I dint' mean to I was just trying to let my feelings be known and in the process i started and argument that neither of us can ever win. My intent was not to start something; I keep it all inside and then just explode sometimes. Apparently not the best thing to do. Why can't I just say what I have to say without being reprimanded for it, I saw something, I know I did. Someday… I haven't given up totally yet.

Thursday, November 27

Have some turkey...

Soundtrack of my life: Flake - Jack Johnson

its thanksgiving today, the day when we all get together and stuff our faces to celebrate what we're thankful for. Kinda like eating chocolate bunnies on Easter... What do rabbits and eggs have to do with a religious holiday? Anyways this has been an interesting week so far. I went to Bloomington on Tuesday to pick up Emmy. Yesterday I went to Indy with the guys and went to crackers... first of all it was the single most horrible time I've ever had at Crackers. Even the comic knew he was bad and decided to end the show early I think. He just wasn't funny. Today everyone is coming over here to eat as always and that's cool I guess but I'm just not that social when it comes to like family things I guess. Maybe because all they do is tell old and embarrassing stories about everything. I'd rather talk bout things that are going on right now guess. Oh well that's the way it is I guess. I'm going over to Matt's later today I think, if I don't' go somewhere else. I need to go out tonight, it's Thanksgiving, why not go out to the movies and stuff.... Anyways it's almost time to eat around here... I'll be back I'm sure cause I'll be bored most of the afternoon.

Monday, November 24

It's snowing

It's snowing today... yesterday it was 65 degrees and slightly overcast now it's 25 and snowing... I hate Indiana. It's finally a holiday weekend coming up, I have 5 days off! woo hoo.... Not that I really have anything to do but still, it's time to just hang out I guess. Emmy's coming home tomorrow, I'm going to pick her up and stuff... We're gonna hang out sometime this week. Should be cool... sorta like old times I guess... Do you ever think about how you became who you are, all of us are dealt different hands in life. I have friends who have been through some of the most horrific things I can imagine, yet somehow they get through it. Life changes us everyday, we just have to find the good in it and move on. I think that even the most tragic events can have good points that we should all focus on. Yes, we should grieve and mourn, but at the same time, move on. I think I've been doing a lot of that in the past few months. Life has dealt me some very hard things to tackle this year, but still I feel like I've came out ok. Jobs, friends, relationships have all changed this year. Most of them I didn't' even see coming but I've learned to deal with them very well I think. I had an interesting weekend. Went to Indy on Friday, had a lot of fun. Some things happened that maybe they shouldn't have, but still I think they had to in order to make sense of the situation. I made a promise to two very important people a while back, I'm glad to say that I've kept that promise for a long time now. I have been so tempted so many times but every time I manage to keep my head on my shoulders and make the right decision. Sometimes the one thing you want isn't the best. Tough decisions to make in the months and weeks ahead... I'm going to choose what's best for me I guess. Just try to get what I want, and hopefully everything else will fall into place...

Sunday, November 23

Shawshank Redemption

Soundtrack of my life: Tonight And The Rest Of My Li - Nina Gordon

If anyone out there has TNT and pays any attention to it they will have noticed that The Shawshank Redemption has been on pretty much every weekend for the past few months. In case you haven't seen the movie at all here's the synopsis from
Andy Dufresne, a mild mannered New England banker, is convicted of murdering his wife and her lover. Despised at first by the other inmates because of his introverted manner, Andy slowly forges an unlikely friendship with Red, a seasoned lifer and his gang. Soon, Andy also becomes popular with the prison guards, including the vicious Captain Hadley who offers him protection against the jail's rougher convicts in exchange for financial counseling. The prison warden also takes advantage of Andy's banking knowledge by exchanging privileges for creative bookkeeping. Over a twenty year period, Andy is able to maintain his sanity and dignity in prison not by physical force but by mental force. His smarts and confidence keep him going and he is able to teach the other prisoners that hope is the ultimate means of survival.
Now I will say that I like this movie, a good story, Morgan Freeman is a great actor and Steven King is a great writer, but I'm tired of it now. Of course, soon all you will see Ralphie if the Christmas Story wanting his Red Ryder BB gun with double-carbon action. I love that movie too, I guess basically I'm ranting because I think there needs to be more variety of movies on cable but at the same time, whenever I see most anything else on, I hate it too... I'm going to go buy some jeans... more later maybe... /rant

Saturday, November 22

Wasting another day...

Soundtrack of my life: Here Without You - 3 Doors Down

It's Saturday and I'm sitting here with nothing to do really. I spent all afternoon lounging around and paying bills.Oh well anyways I also played with the layout of the blog... as you can see not much changed... I almost had Blogamp working this morning but I don't know Java for crap so I have no idea how to fix it. I had to download Winamp 2.91 to get it to work and then I found a component for Winamp 3.0 that would make a Winamp 2 plug-in work in 3. Complicated crap, if you don't do know what I'm talking about consider yourself lucky. I'm going out tonight... but I really don't have any clue what I'm going to do. The Bucket Game was today... Purdue won... that's coo. I guess but I didn't'figure it would be as close as it was. Seriously so far it's been a totally worthless day... Off to dinner

Thursday, November 20


Soundtrack of my life: Santana feat. Alex Band - Why Don't You And I - Michelle Branch

Do you ever just sit around and read all your buddies profiles on AIM? I do from time to time, mainly cause i'm nosey I guess. I know I'm not the only one who does it, obviously, you wouldnt' have a profile if you didn't expect people to look at it. I think the one thing that bothers me about it you can't read the profiles of people who have "real" AOL. Why not? Do they have something so sacred in their profiles that no one else but fellow AOL'ers can read them? I think it's descrimiation! Ok time for bad and the end of this worthless post...
BTW if anyone knows how to get their winamp playlist "live" on their blog through blogger please get in touch with me via AIM, email, comments, or carrier pigeon.. I'm dying to get this working, but all I can find is an MT solution... later all

Scurvy... can I get that?

Soundtrack of my life: Ceci n'est pas un chanson - Bran Van 3000

It's a nice day outside. I read today that scurvy is caused by not eating vegetables... Do french fries count? It?s been a dull day really. Its 62 outside right and it's almost Thanksgiving... In Indiana!!! Something is not right with that. Last classes today until the week after T-day. Woo hoo! I've got to get some HW done over vacation though, papers to write and such. The weekend is turning into an interesting one... More on that on Sunday I guess. I need to get some free time though to just lounge around, and on that note tonight i'm going out after class to hang with people. Actually I need to just sit at home for a while and regroup, it's been too long since I?ve done that and honestly i think I just don?t do that because I get too bored when I do it. There's nothing to do at my house other than sit at the puter.... I get tired of surfing basically which is partly why i write here so much and probably repeat myself a hundred times... Also, I'm re-falling in love with REM, Imitation of Life and Nightswimming are amazing, underappreciated songs. Too bad I have no one to share them with like the old times.... Changes...

Wednesday, November 19

No School for me!

Soundtrack of my life: Get Low - Lil Jon, Ying Yang Twins

So I went to my accounting class today... it was the same ole same ole... Until my prof, being the cool guy he is said that we have no class on Monday cause he didn't have anything left to teach. Therefore, I have no classes at all next week. Woo Hoo!. I'm not going to see the Bucket game now in Bloomington either, tickets were just way too much. So I'm going out on Friday as planned and then who knows what on Saturday, although Kyle is supposed to call me. Got some new speakers today too... they rock... my others died in some kind of power surge thingy. Things are going well though, it's holiday weekend coming up...

Tuesday, November 18

I am a Manatee-atee

John Lithgow wrote a children's book, I checked it out the toher day at the store with a friend. It was Interesting to say the least. Here's an excerpt:
From time to time I dream I'm a Manatee?
that I'm a manatee
Undulating underneath the sea.

Unshackled by the chains of idle vanity,
A modest manatee,
That's me

I'm a manatee,
I'm a manatee,

Outside the fold of boring old humanity.
No difference between my face and fann-atee...

Ok, I realize that children's books are supposed to be somewhat stimulating to young minds, but "idle vanity", and the "-atee" at the end of most every page are a little annoying. I urge all of you parents out there to not buy this book. It's lame!
On to other things though, It's raining and I'm stressed... I'm going out tonite... more later maybe.

Monday, November 17

More strokes folks...

Look at the bottom of my page.... see that WhatPulse count... yeah that's my thing that tells me how much I've typed on this computer... I have no idea how good ti works or whatever... but as usual I'm always trying out useless stuff


Soundtrack of my life: Imitation of Life - REM

What did I do? Was it a mistake? Was the other one right? Am I just not coming to terms with what I really want? What knows, all I know is I'm in this and I'm going to deal with it. No more cop outs, no more excuses. I've dealt myself a hang and now I'm playing it. This used to be so easy, why did I have to make it so hard? All those choices I made, could I have changed it? Maybe yes, but probably not, I still blame myself.
School's ramping up to get hard now. End of term projects and such. Yay... I can't wait two papers, one group project plus who knows what else. I hate the end of a semester.
Then there's the other decision that I just got wind of today. Only one person even knows about it and I think I've already made up my mind. I have it so good in that regard, but I still have to hear the details to give it a decent shot. I'm out of my element now, but I'm liking the scary edge I've reached and I think I'm hanging on pretty well. I like the who and the what, but I always think what if?
I love writing here its my own little unadulterated thinking place, sure I edit names and stay a little vague with some things but I write what I fell and don't have to answer to anyone for it. Kind of a great thinking/venting spot. Everyone should have something like this.
Back to class... I'm still thinking about you

Sunday, November 16

It's Done!!!!

Soundtrack of my life: Cloud Of Witnesses - Schultz, Mark

Well... Almost done anyways... I think i've got everything loaded now except some minor patches and software. But after about 4 hours I'm done. Woo hoo... Now for sleep...

Another boring sunday...

Well it's been a few days and I feel that I should do something on here. Right now I'm on my laptop whilst I repartition and reinstall everything on my other computer. What fun! ... Saw this in the paper today. I tried iTunes for Windows the other day. It sucks, I mean 1. i'm not really into paying for music, why shoudl I when iMesh is still out there and I think I'm reasonably safe anyways and 2. the client isn't that great and I just didnt' like it. Let's see what's new with me...
Well first off I went out on Friday with the gang from school. That was cool I think, we went to Texas Roadhouse and then to see Elf. Elf sucked. I mean it was kinda funny at first, but then it just went down hill from there, the cheese was definately getting thick. Then we went to Kyle's house to watch the Robin Williams Live on Broadway show, definately still funny, I still love the golf sketch. 18 F***in' times!
Yesterday I went in to work on Tony's puter. We were trying to put in a DVD burner and get the firewire card setup so he can do his video editing onsite instead of going home to do it. It didn't work so hot, considering we had a bad firewire card and tired everything under the sun to get it to work before we finally gave up and got a new one. Only took us like 9 hours to get everything up and running. Should have only been 3 if it wasn't for that stupid card. Still some bugs to work out but it's working good enough right now.
Today I didn't do anything, got up around noon, sat around til about 2, then I put my new surge protector on my puter, blew the other one last week, then I went to Kokomo and got some new shoes, woo hoo!... Now I'm back at home after dinner and I'm working on the puter. I might go out later tonite, but i'm not counting on it since it's already 7...Oh well back to the other puter its 98% done now according to Partition Magic... later all...Wait, actually now I know I'm not going out. Just got a call and the last person that I thought I'd go out with is busy with a paper. Not that I don't want to go out them, but I mean my last resort... I can't say that well. Either way I'm not going out... later all

Thursday, November 13


Soundtrack of my Life: Livin' on a Prayer - Bon Jovi

Today I had LK and it was cool. Nothign exciting really except that we only have 2 more days to go! Not that I'm excited to see it end, but i'm excited to finally get through it. I ahd a lot of fun this year and really think that it helped me out wtih learning hwo things work I guess. Lots to do in school in the coming weeks, projects and such are coming due. Busy day tomrorow. Work, Massage, then out... dunno what i'm doing, but I guess we're doin something. Things are getting better with life i guess... I'm dealing again... Off to bed

Wednesday, November 12

Hump Day...

Soundtrack of my Life: Jason Mraz - Curbside Prophet -

Ever wonder why it's called that... Obvious reasons of being over the hump of the week but surely there's somethin else out there that's not sexual. Today the wind is blowing 45MPH and the temp went from 60 this moring to liek 35 right now. That sucks. I wore short sleeves today too. Froze my butt off after class. It's been seriously a boring day today. Got some stuff done at work, hopefully I can finish my presentation on Friday too. Louie's on friday too! Massage too, I need one so bad, whenever the weather changes like this my back really kills me. Going out on Friday probably too, an interesting group at that. More on that some other night, right now I'm going to bed and going to LK in the morning, only 3 more classes to go!

Tuesday, November 11

I hate the rain

Soundtrack of my Life: Mr. Jones - Counting Crows

Today was a horribly rainy day. It was dreary and rainy all day. Matter of fact, I got out of my car and as soon as i shut the door (miles from a building) it started to pour as if God was pulling some ironic joke on me. This weekend is turning out to be less than expected... Nothin doin yet. Hopefully somethin will come around though. Friends of friends are good I guess... we'll soon see... maybe. Old friends are different story though, they can change faster than you can imagine, getting married, having kids, it's all nuts to me. I'm 21 and still a kid dangit! But to each his own, don't let me judge you. I'm off to bed...

Monday, November 10

Let there be RSS

Soundtrack of my Life: Fountain's of Wayne - Stacy's Mom

As you'll notice on the left side you will find a link to my RSS feed. If you don't know what an RSS is, it probably doesn't matter. If you do, check it out, add it to your favorite reader. Mine is SharpReader. Check it out sometime. Chris Pirillo's site is a nice one to read too. Got some good tips for 'puter newbies and such. Talk to you all later. School was fine. Work tomorrow...

I'm a news junkie

Soundtrack of my Life: Genesis - I Can't Dance

I read the news all day. Seriously I think it's becoming a problem. I mean yeah, everyone should know something about what's going on in the world but between MSNBC and Fark I think I spend way too much time online reading and just doing nothing in general. I also spend alot fo time on AIM, but usually not so much at work. Just an occasional hi and stuff... nothing indepth usually. That was part of my problem thsi weekend though, I spent more time just surfing and talking that actually working on my paper.... Maybe I should unhook my cable modem just to see if I can get by without it or something... yeah right... I'd die plus I wouldn't blog anymore. I'm in the habit now... I have to keep it up. No one reads this probably, but still I feel the obligation to write something now and then. It clears my head a bit. No substitute for good old fashioned face-to-face or a phone call, but it helps. I read lots of blogs lately where people are depressed about themselves and how they perceive themselves. I'm guilty of this too. Is the whole world just apathetic and depressed. I would like to think not, but the more I see the more I have my doubts.
Matt is leaving for God knows where soon probably. He goes to MN this week to find out where and when. Kinda sad about that, what if he's gone for X-mas? That will suck, he's finally getting stuff in order with his life. Got a good girl now and he's going to IU next semester. I wish the best for him and hope that God will watch over him if he leaves. I know it'll be hard on all of us.
I'm off to class today... yay... My paper is due at 4 and i've been done for 36 hours! That's a first for me. Normally, I would still be working on it. Maybe I am getting a better work ethic for school. I think I just used that phrase wrong but who cares. Hey if you read this, leave a comment, just say hey or something so I know someone reads this and I'm not talking to myself. Mooshe, if you read this, especially say hey. You're blog has died recently. We haven't talked in forever partly because I haven't left any comments on your blog either, but it was fun while it lasted. See you all later.

An interesting night

Soundtrack of my Life: Daughters - Jonh Mayer

Went over to Shelby's to take her quilt to her tonight. It was cool to be back in that house and see everyone again. Nothing has changed and that's good to see. On the spur of the moment we (shelby and I) decided to go see Matrix: Revolutions. Definitely not what I was expecting but still a good movie I guess. Then we came back to her house and just sat in the car and talked. Nothign really important but ti was cool to hang out. It's 1220ish now and I really should be in bed. That's where I'm goin...

Sunday, November 9

What to get me for X-mas..

Soundtrack of my Life: Soak it Up - Warren Barfield

Check it out here This list will probably be updated about weekly. I'll post new ones at that address. Or you coudl check out my Amazon wish list at the left over there. But me somethin. Go ahead you know you want to.

Another dull Sunday

Soundtrack of my Life: House of the Rising Sun - Cream

It's sunday and the Colt's lost. No one is online. My paper is done. I feel better after talking to Emmy last nite, she told me some things that I didnt' realize I was doing to people around me and now I'm going to try to change them. I'm going to see Shelby tonight to take her a quilt that my grandma made for her. Haven't seen her in like 3 months so that might be cool. A boring day. I need to get out of here today sometime.

Saturday, November 8

It's done... Saturday nights suck

Soundtrack of my Life: I Boast No More - Cademon's Call

My paper is finally done. Thank God. I got it done aroudn dinner time tonight. Tonight was not a good night though. Seemed that just when I thought I had plans or somethin, it was gone. It's 1120 and I'm home. I hate Saturday's with nothing to do. I just wish things would get sorted out soon. I knwo what I want, I just can't have it. I know things I wish I had instead and still can't have. Why is this so complicated all fo a sudden. Maybe its just setting in more that it's over and I have to move on. People all around me are going about life the way they always ahve adn I just can't seem to catch up . I just don't know what to do really. Life is not good at the moment.

Did you see the eclipse tonight?

Soundtrack of my Life: Yellow - Coldplay

Amazing huh? I was driving to Kokomo and saw it. It was really kind of eerie. You could almost see the shadow moving. As I drove around it was just amazing to see it all happen. It was a beautiful clear night so everything was perfect.

I hate homework

Soundtrack of my Life: Memphis Soul Song - Uncle Kracker

I'm sitting here on a perfectly freezing Saturday afternoon at 2PM listening to music and now I have to start doing some homework. I should have had it done earlier, like yesterday but I got distracted. Now it's due on Monday *have* to get it done today. Last night I went out with Matt, we ate at OG and then went to his house. Nothing big to speak of really. SO far today I made lunch and watched TV. Tonight I have no idea what I'm doing, maybe I'll call Sarah or something, Tony said something and about hanging out too. Hmmm... I just need to get out of the house sometime today... keeps me sane... I'll be back when the paper is done.

Friday, November 7

New pics up

Check this out My Things Page I'm off to finsish my homework so that maybe I can get out of the house tonite sometime...Later

I want a new life...

One with no homework and no difficult friends or relationships...

Wednesday, November 5

I'm such a geek...

I just find this stuff funny I realize that most of you will not find this amusing at all, but to those of us who know HTML this is kinda cool. Bill AMend was on The Screensavers on TechTV the other night and I found it quite amusing that although he isn't a technical person he still sees the humor that IT people go through everyday. I'm leaving you with an older comic as well, that I found amusing the first time I saw it because there was a time in HS where I thought that this could be a cool idea should I ever have to pull a Bart Simpson and actually write on the chalkboard... GEEK!anyways back to work

Tuesday, November 4


OK, just got back from the gym... other than being entirely exhausted... i hurt... I need sleep adn a massage.... maybe i'll call tomorrow and go get one... hmm... the runnign isn't what kills me...the weights did... i'm so out of shape...more pics coming tomorrow my 26 things...
Things are getting better everyday. I miss the old stuff, but the new isnt' so bad, its not perfect yet. But I understadn what's going on and I can deal with it now. Friends are friends, that's all I need for now.

Never look back

You should never try to start fresh by looking at the past. I just finsihed reading some stuff that was written in 2001... bad way to start the nite. I'm off to class tonite and then to the gym after that for a bit. I really feel unfit right now, I dont' think i'm fat really, just out of shape. Maybe I can stick with it this time...

Sunday, November 2

Just messing around...

Lets see if this works: Big scary cow for my 26 things project

If it did its one of my first pics for my 26 things project.. if not... I suck at HTML and should go back to school... later


Forgot something. Check out the new homepage at I've started my 26 things hunt too. Check it out, leave some feedback and let me know what you think... All for now

An interesting weekend...

It's Sunday... the end to another weekend. I went to Tony's for a Matrix party on Friday and then to Matt's for a Halloween thing. Tony's was cool, Matrix Reloaded was awesome on the surround sound. Left at aroudn 11 to go to Matt's when I got there Micah was putting in a stereo for Laura so we worked on that until about 2:30... I was dead tired so I went home. On Saturday I went to Indy with Terra. we went to Castleton to Besty BUy and the mall, just hanging out and talking and junk. Got two shirts form the Gap. Then we went to Broad Ripple to the Wellington/Corner Wine Bar. It was awesome to just have a quiet dinner with someone so interesting. We didn't talk about anything, but I feel like we covered everything. I took her home around 9 and then went back to Kokomo to meet up with Matt and Sarah and her friends to see Texas Chainsaw Massacre. Scary as hell! After the movie we went to Shake my Steak and as soon as we got ther Jenn, Sarah's friend and I went to the bathrooms, while we were in there, someone fired up a blender, but in a bathroom it sounded just like a chainsaw. When Jenn came out she was crying, I guess the movie really got to her. I got home around 1:30 and went to bed. Today has been pretty busy for me on a Sunday, I got up and helped clean up the yard for winter, leaves and lawn furniture and such. I just got back from Kokomo a little while ago, bought 3 more shirts at Old Navy, nothign special, just needed a refresh on my winter shirts. Anyways tonite I shoudl study for my A202 test that's tomorrow... Most likely though, I'll go out and hang with someone. Life is changing right now, and as much as I hate change, I think it'll help me grow as a person.