Life or Something Close…

It felt good today to finally get all of that off my chest. I was worried not only for my ownself but for the overall good of all those around me. I still think there is going to be some trouble but this should at least help the everyday things get better and better.

Taking the time to figure out what I like and don’t like didn’t take as long as I thought it would, I still have some media cleaning to do but overall today was a good day. I think I’ve got to get past the point where I think that I have to finish everything all the time. Roll with it…

There’s snow coming soon, they say 4-8″ but honestly I hope there is more. A foot would be nice. It’s not that I want to see people stranded or hurt. I don’t. I don’t want to be stuck in the house for days at a time but I miss winters when we would get so much snow that it seemed like the whole world stopped. Like we all just took a few days to sit back, relax, and just be together. It’s supposed to start in about 36 hours. We’ll see what happens.

I was just remembering how informative that I used to be on here. I had weather, news, sports, whatever else was going on in the world. I wonder if the direction that I went was better or not. Just typing, getting words on paper. Should I focus and structure more? Should I analyze less maybe.
1,000 words. Per day. Is it possible?

Yet again, new tools to try to aid me in completing a goal I probably only half-heartedly believe in. I set a limit of 1,000 words, a limit that seems so long but yet at the same time it’s something that I believe I should be able to do without even trying. I wonder if I should go back to tracking what I do and what happens in a given day:
Work: 950 inches, about 7.5 hours.
Food: (Breakfast)D-Light sandwich without the egg, (Lunch)Chicken and Wild Rice Soup, bread and butter, (Dinner)Tacos: 1 beef, 1 sausage and egg, both with beans and cheese.
Notable events: New employee starting soon, tax return date received, health insurance info sent off and should be active soon.

Is that something that I should be keeping track of? Is there going to come a day in the far distant future that I wonder about things like that? There has been a time when I wanted to track all of that, long before the JustinTV stuff or any of the other constant life monitoring stuff or the lifestream stuff, I wanted to be in the Truman Show or on EdTV. I want the world to see and know what I did, I didn’t think my view or experience was superior only that maybe I could help bring some understanding to those around me and maybe those far off. The human experience is a lonely one filled with lots of people all around you having their only lonely experience. One day there could be a way to unify them, I have no idea how.

Nearly there now.

I know hardly anything about prepositions and that’s probably not a good thing. Grammar used to be important, somewhere along the line someone let me write how I speak. I remember having big problems with English as a subject in school, incredibly I passed time after time because I found the patterns that let me slide by. Even through college I skated by. Writing how you speak; that’s a horrid way to express yourself with words. Speech is dead.

There used to be a time when I could sit and write, when I could write about nothing. Now is that time. Unfortunately though, I don’t think lately I have anything to say, I just want to say something.

The snow is still coming, I’m excited.

I listening to a sermon about fear. I never listen to sermons but this one is different. I’m scared from time to time, but mostly I fear inadequacy. Letting people around me down, letting people see that I’m fallible, that I can’t carry the load I’ve taken on, seeing my weakness is that I try to be too strong.
I read (skimmed) and article yesterday about personal mission statements and person statements of direction and figuring out where you are going and why. It’s probably something I should read again.

Tried starting to read (listen to) The Catcher in the Rye yesterday, just couldn’t get into it, loved reading it back in the day. I felt so rebellious, so above the rest of the crowd who hadn’t discovered it yet. Now I just feel like it’s something I’m trying to consume completely and quickly without regard for the contents.

So much of the world is that way now, just consume it, take it all in without ever taking any of it in and considering the consequences.

My music selections lately have been wonderful. Sometimes you just have to accept that your music isn’t going to be popular with everyone around you but if it makes a differce to you then it’s worth listening to.

I need to clean up the clutter.

There’s so much I need to do. So much to take care of. So much to just put my head down, plow through and get done.

There’s so much and yet I have nothing to do. I should get back to work, I almost made it but even as I fill it in here and there, I’m just going to fall a little bit short again.